Walmart and Life Skills/Social Skills Training

My husband and I are doing our best to continue taking Samuel out in public in spite of the chance that he may "melt down". When I take Samuel out I bring along some kind of visual schedule for him to follow. These visual schedules have had various forms over the years. The current one I like to use is a checklist of the broad activities we plan to undertake at our destination. I can just write it out on paper and carry it on a clipboard with a pen.

These days, Walmart is proving to be a great place to take Samuel. I am able to take him there about once a week. Our first trips there had to be very short on getting "my things" done, followed by an opportunity for Samuel to do his favorite thing.. look at the DVDs. (It took him a while to understand and accept that Walmart no longer carries VHS tapes!)

Yesterday morning I had planned to go to Walmart early in the morning. I had a relatively short list of things to pick up, but it was a longer list than I usually have when I take Samuel. However, it had been a while since I had taken him and I knew that taking him would be a real treat for him, so I woke him up and gave him the good news. Talk about a good motivator to dress himself!

Here was the checklist he had:

-Shopping

-Look at Electronics (just looking at DVDs isn't enough anymore, he has broadened his tour to laptops, Blue Ray players, and cameras)

-Pay (stay with Mom, no running around!)

-Look at the Red Box DVD machine on our way out the store (by that time I'm usually more than ready to leave, but giving him a chance to look at it at the end saves me from getting stuck at it when we walk in)

While we are there he gets to work on his social skills (it's okay to say hi to others, but don't ask them what year they were born or what their phone number is, walking down the aisles instead of skipping and running!), life skills (finding groceries, properly placing them in the basket, being patient while Mom has to look for boring things like canned vegetables and toilet paper, one of these days we'll get to paying...), and some OT-related things (pushing the cart, looking where you are going while pushing the cart, not crashing into other people while pushing the cart, not crashing into the shelves and displays while pushing the cart).

Other challenges we face right now when taking him out, besides the ones I just mentioned, are to keep him from manipulating us into getting him all kinds of snacks and sodas. The soda one is particularly difficult. He goes straight for the little coolers right by the cash registers when it is time to pay and gets very close to melting down when I tell him no. Soda is something I try to save an incentive for doing well at his OT sessions, and we allow all the kids to have it with dinner on Sunday.

Tell me about your experiences taking your child "on the spectrum" out in public and how you are teaching him or her!

The end of this past January marked three years since I started this blog. It's hard to remember now, but I started it due to my frustration with the whole "defeat autism" attitude that I seemed to be encountering everywhere. It was very refreshing to come across people on the internet who were more accepting of autism, though who still faced incredible challenges in raising their children "on the spectrum". I also found it very therapeutic to share what I was going through at the time with my son.

I don't post on here so much anymore. It's not that I don't want to. I DO, but spare time is very rare for me these days. I'm not going to complain and lament too much, this is just where I am at right now thanks to what is going on in my family.

Samuel is growing up. It hasn't been easy and I think our "fun" is just beginning! Life for him has changed quite a bit since this past winter. He turned 11 just after the new year. He is almost as tall as I am now and has surpassed even his older brother in weight. He can be quite a force to contend with! He is now taking Risperdal to help moderate his temper. That's not by any means where it is ending, that is just the beginning of what has become a new road for us to journey on in helping Samuel to grow and develop. Amazingly, a new social group formed in our area and Samuel was able to attend that for thirteen weeks this past winter and spring, along with 3 other children close to his age. How terrific that something like this came along to help him recognize and learn how to deal with social situations. There are times he is quite vocal about his feelings ("Mommy, I'm so sad!" or "Mommy, I'm very very angry!"). I am so happy that he is able to verbalize these things and I am trying to figure out how to take him to the next step.. getting past those sad and angry feelings. In the coming weeks we will be starting new in-home behavior treatment services for him. I still use his visual schedule but we are definitely at a point where we need some fresh ideas and strategies to teach him how to get through his day with appropriate behaviors.

Well, the "free" time I had to work on this post is about over. Samuel is behind me telling me (thankfully, with a smile on his face) how "angry" he is with me! I promised him a snack a while ago and I suppose I should go make good on it!

Third and Fourth Checklist Goals are Set!

Samuel has already told me what he wants to work towards on his next two checklists of school assignments: first a trip to McDonalds and then another trip to the Goodwill Store for another video!

I love that we have this mutually beneficial way of accomplishing something each of us wants. Now if I can just figure out how to motivate my NT students!

Video Vacation, Day 2

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had informed Samuel of an upcoming "video vacation." I had the calendar marked, so he had ample opportunity to "digest" the idea. Two nights ago I told Samuel, "It's time to pack up your videos and DVDs!" I had envisioned tears, frustration, and a long drawn out battle to hide the two boxes and their contents that had taken over our foyer closet and the surrounding area. I started walking over to the closet to begin.

Samuel surprised me by saying, "I want to pack them up!" He did just that! He took the boxes down to the basement. I didn't even follow him down. When he was finished he came back upstairs and I didn't hear anything else about the videos all night. Samuel has been taking a few videos to bed with him at night for several months now, I really thought he be lost without them but that hasn't been the case.

When he took the videos down to the basement I thought, "Right, he'll be down there whenever he gets the chance." That hasn't happened though! His in-home helper told me that he went into the storage room one time on Monday, but other than that he hasn't tried getting in there at all!

What's really neat is some of the things he is doing now instead of "looking at videos." This morning he went to the basement and built something with his legos. He told me that it is an art museum. He is building things like he has seen on a Lego Creator computer game that he and his brothers play. I also saw him playing with his sister's "Dress Up Elmo" doll. It's not that Samuel never plays with toys, it's just that it's nice to see him play with other things at the times he used to ALWAYS look at his videos.

I haven't completely banished videos either. He has been allowed to watch one video each of the last two days, after which we put it away promptly. Today we even went to the library and he was allowed to check out 5 new videos. When we got home I let him pick out one to watch and told him the remaining videos had to be put away. He was a little upset, but got over it pretty quickly.

"Video Vacation" was presented to Samuel as being a week long. I'm sure he's counting down the days. I already told him, however, that we won't be going back to having 20 + videos floating around all the time. His access to them is going to be more restricted than it had been. I'll be giving some thought the rest of this week as to how to do that.

In restricting his access to videos, I'm not trying to squash down some interest that Samuel has, I just want to channel his interest a bit. I won't say that this is so that he will be more "normal". I will say though, that I don't want his interest or obsession with videos, to get in the way of some other interests that he has.

Overheard from the Boy's Room

Poor Samuel. He's extremely tired this evening but is being engaged in conversation by his brothers. They are in their bedroom and the lights are out but they are still talking. I'm not exactly sure when Samuel woke up this morning. My husband couldn't sleep last night so he got up in the middle of the night to do some work and to call co-workers from his company headquarters over in England. Anyways, my husband's activity woke Samuel up, possibly as early as 4:30 this morning. Samuel had a rough day getting through his school work. He got upset during his first session of work so I had him take a break up in his room. He almost fell asleep as he lay on his bed. The rest he took helped and he was a bit more cooperative the rest of the day.

As I listen now, my oldest son is trying to entertain his brothers. The conversation he is having with Samuel has to do with an activity he did today, playing with his Lite Brite. I'm trying to figure out if my oldest son is pretending to be a detective or a reporter: "So Samuel, I understand you did an activity at the dining room table today, what was it?" Samuel answers (sounding half asleep) "Lite Brite." "Now I also understand that you only had to put a certain amount of pegs in it, how many?" (Yawn) "Five." "And what was it that you were making on Lite Brite?" "Patrick" (from Sponge Bob)

I love that Samuel is putting up with all the questions and carrying on a conversation with his brother like this. I also like that big brother noticed what Samuel was doing today and could ask him about it!

Since Samuel wasn't so eager about Lite Brite the other day, I attached some strategy to it today for his personal attendant to use. I wrote out .."You are going to play with Lite Brite two times today. Each time you will put in five pegs. Make a tally mark for each peg you put in." Samuel's attendant helped him make the tally marks, and the "strategy" seemed to work. Samuel cooperated much better with his Lite Brite today. I'm sure it was much easier for him knowing he only had 5 pegs to put in, as opposed to looking at a screen with dozens of spaces for pegs to go in.

"I Don't Want to Do Five Things!"

We're slowly returning to our "normal" school routine, the one we had before we left for our vacation. Our first week back I unpacked, last week we had visitors and it was Samuel's birthday, and yesterday I had to take my daughter for a doctor checkup. So, today was one of our first days back to work!

I made up an ambitious work schedule to start Samuel's morning. I had his token board ready with the reinforcer of raisins after each time he earned four tokens. I figured Samuel might balk at the schedule and, sure enough, he did. He pulled out his negotiation tactics and said, "I don't want to do five things!" I wasn't about to bend first thing in the morning so I replied, "Yes, you are going to do five things, they're easy things!" I knew I was stretching things a bit for Samuel. We often start the morning with only 3 or 4 tasks. My goodness though, he got to sleep in this morning and I gave him some TV time before breakfast, he needed to be challenged a bit! I had to coax Samuel here and there, and had to wait him out a bit, but he got through all five things!

Challenging Samuel in his negotiations doesn't always work. In this case if it had not worked out and he had a meltdown, I would have sent him with his personal attendant up for a "break" in his room. Taking a "break" was a strategy introduced to us by the in-home helpers we used to have. It is a means of letting Samuel cool down a bit before he returns to the task that he is expected to do. A "break" icon sits up in the corner of his visual schedule for him to remove whenever he needs one. We had to teach him how to remove the card (we would model for him, "I need a break," hand-over-hand have him remove the card, and assist him in going up to his room).

The going was a little rocky this morning, but I was happy he got through the work without requesting a break! Five tasks, that's great for first thing in the morning!

The Regulator in Action

I am on the offensive to deal with The Upside Down Show scripting. Thanks "FarmWife2" for reminding me about strategies that our in-home helpers have discussed with me previously. Like I said yesterday, sometimes its easy to slip into allowing things that might not be the best thing, just because they make Samuel happy.

I had a talk with Samuel's instructional aid this morning and she does let Samuel script during his sensory breaks. I was very pleased to hear that during recess, however, she discourages the scripting so that he can try to interact with his classmates. Now I'm just waiting to hear from the special education teacher to make sure they can verbally remind Samuel during the day that he will be allowed to script during sensory times (as opposed to just discouraging scripting). I think that if he is reminded that there IS an appropriate scripting time he will be more likely to NOT SCRIPT when that is being asked of him. I'm also waiting to hear what she thinks about doing a social story.

Last night at dinner I announced, "Tomorrow morning is the last day that you can play The Upside Down Show before we get in the car." Samuel fussed about that a bit, so I told him, "why don't you play hopscotch instead?" We'll see how that works. In the car this morning Samuel asked, "Can I still watch The Upside Down Show?" I told him, "Yes, you can watch it tomorrow (Friday) afternoon." For now I'll let him watch it and see if cutting out the morning play of it helps to reduce the incidence of scripting it at school.

This afternoon we are going to the park and then off to a "book fair" event at school in the evening. The boys always like going to the book fairs. They make wish lists and I usually let them get one or two books each. This is the first time I'll have an in-home helper with me and that will make it so much easier!

We went from 45 degrees (7 deg. C) yesterday to an anticipated 70 degrees (21 deg. C) today!

Samuel's Visual Schedule, A Visual!

Last weekend Samuel took the liberty of making up his own schedule, both on Saturday and Sunday. Normally I make up a schedule to cover key points of the day, like getting dressed in the morning, or approaching homework sessions, or perhaps special trips out of the house. When I do that, we cover times in between with an icon like "play."

This is the binder that we keep Samuel's schedule "icons" in. The icons are about a 1.5" square. I print them in black and white using "Writing With Symbols" software on my computer. Our in-home services provider prints them in color on "Boardmaker." The icons are laminated. I already had quite a collection of icons when our in-home services started, so we continued using those icons and they have slowly added to them since then. The icons have velcro on the back and they are affixed to velcro strips on laminated pages in the book, an idea our in-home helpers gave me.

Below is a picture of Samuel's schedule that hangs on the wall in our kitchen. This was put up in consultation with our in-home service providers and we started it almost two years ago. At the time we started using it only a total of 5 icons were on the schedule. Then a few months later we increased it to six and eventually the whole row under it was added. The "break" icon was added as we started teaching Samuel to "take a break," a means of getting him to control his own temper as it starts to escalate. At any point he wants to he can pull the "break" icon and go to a special designated area to calm down, take a break, etc... I will discuss this more at a later time.

The activity that Samuel is expected to complete gets moved to a space next to "It is time for..." When he is finished with that activity he removes the icon and puts it in the "finished" pocket. Then he moves the next icon up. He, of course, had to be prompted to learn how to move the icons appropriately, something that he picked up pretty quickly with our in-home service helpers. I'm usually a few steps behind in the prompting process from them. This is the actual schedule Samuel made up on Saturday and I really liked how he spaced his highly reinforcing activities (snack, lunch, play outside, and downstairs) with less desirable things (though they are still somewhat fun for him) like "calendar" and "game." We sat at the table in the kitchen for our "meeting," which ended up being a conversation about what our favorite movie is (he determined that!). We also filled in the calendar that he has. After "calendar" came "videotape." If I remember correctly he did not watch a video, but asked me to get one for him to look at. After lunch he did go play outside, but he never completed the other things on his schedule after that. The last icon is "guitar." Samuel received a guitar for his birthday last year, but he doesn't play it very much yet. I'm hoping he will take lessons some day. Even though he didn't play it Saturday, it's encouraging that he's thinking of it!

I first learned of autistic children using schedules to teach independent behavior in the book Activity Schedules for Children with Autism,Teaching Independent Behavior, by Lynn E. McClannahan and Patricia J. Krantz. This was what inspired me to make up icons for him, I just never did quite get a good system going on my own, something that our in-home service providers turned in the right direction. This has done wonders with keeping Samuel happy on a day-to-day basis, though we still have a long ways to go!

Whatever it Takes!

I have been pleasantly surprised over the past few months with Samuel's responsiveness to incentives (ie.. "reinforcers"). This has been demonstrated to me for almost 2 years in how he follows the visual schedule when our in-home helpers are here, but it really wasn't until last fall that I made it my own tool to work with Samuel.

As Samuel started second grade and I saw how much his academic expectations were being raised, I realized that I was going to have to take action to get Samuel to do his homework. (This has been an ongoing process, see "The Evolution of Samuel's homework) I wanted Samuel to do the work ON HIS OWN, meaning that I would not sit there and verbalize over and over "time to do your work." The incentive: I used a token board with him and after he earned 4 tokens I gave him a small piece of candy. I also scheduled "Your Choice" after he finished his work, meaning that he could decide what he wanted to do (usually play on the computer, or Playstation).I had to spend a lot of time waiting him out. For weeks and weeks he dawdled at the start of each homework session, now he gets to work almost immediately. I'm also finding I don't have to reward tokens as frequently. In fact, tonight I didn't even take the token board or candy with me when we sat down to read a book together. He's getting more interested in finishing up the work and getting on to his fun activity!

Mealtimes are another opportunity to use incentives. In the last few months Samuel has become a very picky eater. His food repertoire has never been that great, but now he is starting to turn up his nose at some old standards like hot dogs and fish sticks. One night last week as Samuel came to the table he started "I'm not eating that." He was saying this about hot dogs, something we never used to have a problem with. I said "Samuel, if you eat your hot dogs I will let you have 3 videos." He ate the hot dogs. Tonight I served him "popcorn fish." He started complaining. I told him "Samuel, if you eat a piece of fish I will let you have a sip of soda." He tried eating one bite and demanded the soda. "No, you have eat the whole piece before you get the soda." He did so and got the soda. Then I had to ask for it back. He gave it back and I told him he could have more if he ate more fish. We went back and forth like this until his fish was gone!

Now I'll have to try this method to get him to sample new foods! I bought a can of spinach with a picture of Popeye on it not long ago, in the hopes that seeing the picture would inspire him to be like him (and eat the spinach!). It worked with my oldest son but not with Samuel!

This reminds me that Samuel is very capable in many things, my challenge in getting him to do things is a matter of making the performance of some activity worthwhile to him. He has an extreme version of the "What's in it for me?" line of thinking. It's something I face with each of my children (making them think something is worth doing), just to a greater degree with Samuel.

Spring Isn't Here Yet!

Our backyard looked like a winter wonderland yesterday afternoon! The three trees in the center of the photo are the first to bloom in the spring. These trees are probably starting to bloom where I used to live, the Tidewater area of Virginia, but we have a few weeks to wait yet.

I'll be taking Samuel in to school late this morning, and then he gets out of school early today so we'll just run errands in town after we drop him off. My oldest son has a music class after we pick up Samuel, so I'll have to figure out how to keep him happy while we wait. It shouldn't be too hard, it's only a half hour, but I will have to plan ahead!

Successful Afternoon Out

We were back and forth from our house 3 times yesterday! I get absolutely worn out on these kinds of days; making sure I have everything I need (diapers, snacks, etc..)gathering the children up, getting them in the car, getting them out of the car and safely into wherever we are going. I have scaled back our participation in activities this winter and spring because I find just getting out to be exhausting.

Our morning consisted of getting Samuel to school and then going to our pediatrician's office (20 miles away) for the baby's 15 month check up and an ear infection follow up for my youngest son. We do have to travel a bit to get to the doctor, but it's worth it. Our pediatrician and his staff run a very efficient office and the waiting time is short. Sometimes there is almost no wait at all! This makes it very helpful for Samuel. There is no way that he could have waited as long as we used to have to at our former doctor's office. I can take Samuel to our present doctor for appointments and can take him along for other children's appointments quite easily. In the past year and a half my husband has worked close to this office as well, so sometimes he meets me there to help out.

My youngest son then had a birthday party to go to early in the afternoon. We didn't have Samuel with us when we dropped him off but I knew he would be with us when we picked him up. That can be a problem. Samuel (naturally) would want to go into the house. Once in there he would probably get into things he shouldn't and it would be very difficult to get him out. I determined ahead of time that NOONE but my youngest son would go in.

We also had about an hour to kill after we picked up Samuel from school before it was time to get his younger brother. What to do? The library was a possibility, but after all the activity I endured earlier in the day I just didn't know if I would be up for that. I decided to go to the grocery store instead. Samuel can endure short trips there because he knows that there are videos and DVDs for sale and he can look at them.

I did not have a visual schedule for our afternoon and I had not made Samuel aware earlier in the day that we wouldn't be going directly home. However, after we left the school I pulled to the side of the road and we took a few minutes to talk about what we would be doing before going home.

We got through the aisles of the grocery store without too much difficulty, except that he kept trying to "Scottish Irish Dance" (from "The Upside Down Show"). He got to look at DVDs for a few minutes and nicely accepted finishing that. Then, on the way out of the store there were 2 more unexpected DVD displays! It was quite difficult getting him to pass those by, but we were able to do so because of the promise of a trip to McDonalds for a snack. We spent the second half of our hour there. I have to admit part of the reason it was easier to get around was because my youngest son wasn't there, he can be rather ornery and feisty!

As we pulled up to the house to pick up my youngest son, Samuel really wanted to go inside, but he was able to accept "not this time." I think it helped that my oldest son voiced that to Samuel as well (impressive because my oldest son has friends at that house too and I'm sure he wanted to go in as much as Samuel did!). Even my youngest son nicely accepted that it was time to go home.

I was so happy to get home! We went through the usual evening madness of dinner and homework, and I ended up falling asleep before the boys did!

Late Night Again!

The timing of dinner and getting Samuel's homework done was about the same last night as it was Tuesday night! My excuse for last night was that we had our in-home services person here until 6:30, and I didn't get a good start on making dinner (I had to finish up a math lesson with my oldest son). Good things about running late are:

• I'm able to get the baby to sleep for the night soon after dinner and then it's easier to focus on Samuel's homework. When baby is awake it's just a matter of getting either my husband or oldest son to watch her, but by that time of the evening she is usually fussy and she makes it her mission to find me, which means husband and big brother either have to chase her or confine her in the playpen!
• Samuel's internal clock just seems to run later into the evening than a neurotypical child, so a late bed-time isn't all bad for him.
  

Samuel has been getting quite cranky late in the afternoon. This has been happening both on days that our in-home person is here and days that she's not here. We're trying to teach Samuel to "take a break" when he has trouble controlling his temper. The challenge is that his break area is up a flight of stairs to his bedroom and he often fights getting up the stairs. We have to try to keep his pathway up there free of things that he can push down or throw and younger siblings have to steer clear as well! We have to prompt him to take the breaks right now. While he is working with the in-home services person he often asks to take a break but sometimes he has to be prompted then as well. Samuel is going to be big and tall someday so we want to teach him as many ways to regulate his temper while he is still a cute lil' youngun!

I only bothered with a 2-question worksheet about Abraham Lincoln for homework last night since it was so late and Samuel complied very quickly!

Yet Another Snow Day Yesterday

We had a lovely snowfall very early this past Sunday morning. Weather forecasts for our area had mentioned freezing rain changing into rain, so we were quite surprised to wake up that morning with three inches of snow on the ground! This after the ice-encrusted snowfall from a few weeks ago had just melted a few days earlier. Another three inches of snow fell by late Sunday morning. Then we got a bit of rain and freezing rain that afternoon, but the temperature was into the lower 40s so everything was kind of mushy. It was easy to clear the snow away, but school was still closed yesterday.

Samuel knew even Sunday morning when he saw the snow that he would not have school Monday. I prepared a few short lessons for him, which we did late in the morning. He hasn't been in a very good mood the past few days. He seems to be in his own little world of "The Upside Down Show." He has also been very territorial with the television. He doesn't want to watch anything but when the other boys or my husband watch television (do you think that I ever get to even think of watching the television during the day??? That is an activity I indulge in only at the "edges" of the day when noone else is awake to make demands of me!) he gets quite perturbed when they want to change the channel. Changing the channel time would be a good time to use the technique of "counting down" we were taught by our in-home service providers, but the boys and my husband don't usually think of things like that (I'm still learning too!).

I had hoped to clean, organize, and just have a nice relaxing day yesterday, but I was on edge the whole day because I was preparing to go to a parents support group meeting last night. That meant anticipating and planning all my required chores so that I could make my getaway in time for the meeting. As usual, I was late and , as usual, quite stressed out!

We have a small support group that meets at our church. It is for parents of children with special needs. We don't have a regular showing at these meetings; heck, I probably only attend one every three or four months. Most of the people who attend are moms and most of them are mothers of autistic children. The group is open to anyone, not just members of our church. One mom attending last night just found out her daughter has Rett Syndrome. I knew enough that it was an autistic spectrum disorder but I don't know much more than that. Another thing to add to the "things to be researched" list!

It's hard for order to be maintained at our meetings because we have (God bless them!) some rather talkative people. That's okay, in a way, because that is good therapy for us. I do think however, that our group could benefit from some basic meeting structure. I should talk to the group organizer about taking on a "facilitator" type function. I'd offer to do it, but I just don't attend regularly enough. An upcoming project for our group is to get together a directory of resources for each other. We're going to share our most useful websites, people, and phone numbers with each other.

I wouldn't call the area I live in rural, but we are just "over the mountains" from the Greater Northern Virginia area so we don't have anything like an autism society chapter out here, yet anyways. I suspect that will change in the next few years. I could travel about 15-20 miles to another town where they have an autism support group, but I haven't done so yet. I think I need to be here at home where I am needed while the baby is so young and Samuel needs the consistency in his evening routine. I do, however, take one or two evenings each month to get out: either to a support group meeting, a Special Education Advisory Committee meeting, or perhaps to go out for coffee with a friend (I am finding my best friends these days are other moms with special needs children). For right now baby girl has to come with me when I go out, mainly because I'm still breastfeeding her. My husband has kept her a few times though and I'll definitely leave her at home when the breastfeeding stops. I'm finding the group of people I'm getting to know through blogging to be a great support group as well!

My homeschool student (oldest son) is sick today, which is why I've had the luxury of time on the computer like this during the day. Now time to get back to work!