My Little Gentleman

Samuel got his new glasses a week ago today. He is accepting them very well! Every now and then he takes them off and says, "I need a break." (I modeled this request for him when he first got them by telling him to bring them to me and asking for a break from them. I figured that was better than him taking them off and leaving them around the house carelessly) We will set them on the counter and then a short while later, perhaps when it is time for school work again or time to watch TV, he will put them on without a problem!

This past weekend one of Samuel's helpers got married. Samuel and I attended the reception for a short while. I just couldn't help sharing this photo of him in his blazer and glasses, taken just before we were on our way. He looks so grown-up to me!

Celebrating Holy Week

This photo is of Samuel looking at his Bible Story Book.


Samuel loves the religion lessons we do together at home. He has been interested in God, Jesus, Mary, Bible Stories, and other elements of our faith for several years now. He is particularly interested in The Last Supper and The Stations of the Cross, and this has been very evident as Holy Week has approached this year.

I am looking forward to the day that we can go to church during Lent and Holy Week to join in the special services and masses that take place during this time. I thought about trying to take Samuel to the Stations of the Cross this year (our church does this Friday evenings during Lent), but we never did make it. That's okay, I have been enjoying helping Samuel read through a small book we have about it. I think that is more meaningful to him right now than it would be to attempt to have him sit at church in a socially acceptable manner for the half hour or so it would take. I am hopeful that Samuel will be much further on the road to better behavior at church by next Lent and I think it will be easier by then for my young daughter to either go along or remain at home with my husband. We are certainly not alone in this, it is difficult for many people to attend church with young children, whether their children are autistic or not.

We will be observing the Triduum by reading Bible stories at home together and watching special events on television. I'm thankful that Samuel is doing so much better at mass week to week now. We're so much closer to being able to attend additional things at our church now than we were last year, and I'm very hopeful that it will be even better by next year.

Samuel Played An Entire Game!

Samuel's evening routine the past few months has gone something like this: Dinner - Put on Pajamas - Wash Face - (Some kind of Activity with Mom or Dad) - "Treat" - Computer -Bedtime.

The "some kind of activity with Mom or Dad" can either be playing a game or reading to us. The games we have been playing include "Spelling Bee Bingo," Memory Game (using somewhat less than all 72 cards that are included with our games), Candy Land, or Hi Ho Cherry-O. Usually Samuel's brothers join us in the games. Some nights we have great fun and other nights it's a real struggle to get Samuel to join in, especially if the game lasts for much longer than about 5 minutes.

Samuel reached a milestone in game playing last night, he played Scrabble Jr. and he lasted through an entire game with his brothers and me! The last time we attempted this game he became frustrated that he had to put the tiles down in a certain order and he wasn't able to finish the game. Last night he got a little anxious a few times, but it was close to the end of the game and I was able to encourage him from losing his temper.

This was exciting for me because this was a real step forward in the skill level. Most other games we play are at the pre-school level and Scrabble Jr. is for 5 - 8 year olds. Also, this was a step forward in skill level for my 5 year old son, who now knows the letters of the alphabet. It was great to play with all 3 boys!

Too Many Errands in One Trip!

Samuel is eager to get out of the house these days. Now that he is not going out to school every day, he looks forward to his trips to the library, occasional trips to Target, and even going to church. After his vision exam last Thursday Samuel begged me to go to a small shop that he found out sells videos. Since he did so well at the eye doctor I wanted to let him do something he enjoys. My other children were still at my friend's house. I had to go to the grocery store near that shop anyways, so I agreed to take him.

I clearly outlined the conditions of our shopping trip: we were only in there to look, no buying videos. After all, he had a new video on the way in the mail. Samuel likes to e-mail his Dad with requests for new videos (with my help) and my husband had just ordered a Cyberchase video a few days before that.

For ten minutes, Samuel enjoyed looking at the videos and DVDs. He was particularly happy to find a display of Nickelodeon and Nick Jr. videos. It wasn't easy for him to leave these behind without a purchase. After I counted down our remaining time in the store he wasn't at all willing to leave. He grabbed a video and ran to the cashier counter with it. I had to gently but firmly help him take the video back to the display. He yelled and screamed as I escorted him out of the store.

I wish that we could have left the shopping center then but I had to pick up some milk at the grocery store. I knew it wouldn't be an easy venture with Samuel being in the mood he was in. He expects "treats" while we are out. I got him by the donut display without a problem but as we started for the aisle with milk he veered over to some bakery rolls, grabbed one and put it in his mouth. I reached for a bag, put it in and just bought it to save any further trouble that moment. I let him help me put the gallon jugs of milk in the cart. He needs practise carrying heavier items, he practically threw them into the cart! He had several other outbursts before we left the store, but thankfully I was able to pay without too much difficulty.

I am pretty familiar with Samuel's limits in running errands and I admit that I stretched them in this instance! I won't let this take away from my happiness at how well he did at the eye doctor's office!

Vision Exam

Yesterday Samuel had his first-ever visit to the eye doctor. I started telling him about this appointment a few weeks ago. I have learned that it is best to inform Samuel ahead of time of these things so that he has plenty of opportunity to voice any concerns or objections! He expressed concern about having to get a shot and also asked, "Will it hurt?" His concerns were very easy to answer and I am convinced that talking about them helped the exam to go smoothly.

The in-home helper who is with us during the morning and afternoon has become very good at picking up what is going on with Samuel and he makes upcoming events a part of their conversation as they play together. He even suggested that they act out an eye exam, since we have an eye chart as part of our toy doctor kit.

When I scheduled the appointment I informed the receptionist that Samuel was autistic. Just a few hours before the appointment I called the office to remind them of this and the receptionist was once again very reassuring, telling me that they have seen other special needs patients and that there are ways of checking vision if the patient has difficulties communicating.

Samuel did very well! I went in to the office to fill in paperwork while Samuel and his helper waited in the car. I called them in once I was finished. There were some toys in the waiting room and I remembered how Samuel likes to check those out. We have had issues in the past at dentist visits if he doesn't have time to look at the toys! He voiced some last minute concerns about the exam, which we (his helper, the office staff, and I) were able to talk to him about. I was relieved to find we were the only ones in the waiting area. The appointment was right after the office had reopened after lunch.

After just enough time to look at the toys he was called back. Samuel went along with the examiner just fine. His helper and I both sat in the room. His helper was terrific in assisting Samuel. Sometimes I feel like I don't let his helpers do enough. It took some effort yesterday but I made myself sit back and tried to let him take care of Samuel getting through things. It was a challenge at times to get Samuel sit still, but his helper and the examiner were able to explain things and Samuel cooperated very nicely!

Once some measurements were done and photographs of the inside of Samuel's eye were taken, we were then moved to another room. This is where the optometrist examined Samuel. It really helped that we did not have to wait very long. Once again it was challenging to get Samuel to sit still, but somehow he did long enough to get the exam done. There were issues with the chair needing to be moved, getting Samuel to properly cover one eye so that he could look out the other eye, and also with getting him to look through the viewing lenses correctly. He was in a very good mood and was making the funniest comments! (To the doctor, "This isn't so bad!" "I love this, I love you!") Most amazingly of all, the doctor had a laptop computer sitting on the counter that Samuel did not disturb at all, even though there was a slide show of photos being displayed on it!

The end result, Samuel needs glasses. I am not surprised. He has been squinting the past few weeks. I'll be curious to see if he notices and tells us about his improved ability to see once he gets his glasses, which will be in about a week and a half.

Factors that contributed to the success of this appointment: informing Samuel ahead of time, letting Samuel voice his concerns and discussing them with him, having good assistance from his in-home helper, timing the appointment well during the day, leaving his siblings with a very generous friend (I almost brought them along!), Samuel's previous experience with visits to the dentist.

This appointment was followed with a quick visit to a video store and the grocery store. There were a few bumps in these, separate post to follow.

Current Challenges and Some Fun Things

Reacting appropriately when something goes wrong is one challenge we face with Samuel. One morning last week a favorite DVD of his got scratched and he threw an absolute fit over the fact that it would not work. He came close to pushing the DVD player off the shelf it is kept upon. He hasn't done anything like that in a long time and it was quite frightening. It especially frightened my two year old daughter, who has not seen Samuel agitated to that degree recently. Our in-home helper assisted in trying to calm Samuel down. It took almost 45 minutes and it pushed everyone's school work behind that day.

Another challenge has been to keep Samuel from scripting too much. I do not have a problem with Samuel scripting from time to time, but it can get in the way of him doing things that he needs to do. Getting through a session of school work can take three or four times longer because he will not focus on his work. Sometimes I try to get his attention by holding visual aids in front of him and at other times (when there is an especially reinforcing activity to follow) I wait him out.

Appropriate behavior in public is another area of concern. Going to the library has been a good place to practise appropriate behavior. There was a time I had to stop taking him because his behavior was too disruptive. He hit a child there one time when I told him he had to stop playing on the computer. In-home helpers assisted us by going with us several times. They helped us make up a visual schedule and now, two years later, most trips go well. Recently, Samuel has started trying to talk to other children. He is curious about videos that others check out and he asks them about them. Today he tried talking to a very young girl who was playing on the computer. He just wanted to know what she was playing, but I could tell he was frightening her.

I took him out to McDonalds after the library, and as we were leaving he went to the booth next to ours and took a french fry from a young boy's lunch! I was so embarrassed! Fortunately his Mom was very understanding. Interestingly, Samuel was remorseful about it by the time we got to the car. He wanted to go back inside and apologize! I had asked him to do so while we were still inside, but he resisted. I did not want to cause any more of a scene so we did not go back in. I had already apologized to the Mom. Samuel kept talking about it for a good portion of the trip home. He wanted to know if I was going to tell his Dad about it! He is expressing remorse frequently. He will say "I'm sorry" after he has done something wrong. Sometimes he will perseverate on that remorse and get emotional (yell or cry). I tell him that it's good to be sorry and I try to remind him to think about what he is doing before he acts.

Samuel and his two year old sister have had some cute discussions lately. I have overheard them sitting together looking at his videos. She asked him about them and he seemed to like answering her questions. They also sit together in front of her dollhouse. They don't exactly play together, most of the time it is fighting over things. She gets a little possessive when she sees Samuel go to play with it. I try to redirect her away from the particular dolls and pieces that Samuel has, but of course those are THE ones she wants!

Samuel has become much more conversant lately. When we are out in public or when others arrive at our home he is very quick to say "hello!" The other day someone arrived to do a termite inspection at our house and Samuel greeted him with, "Hello, we're so glad to see you!" He also tried greeting people at the table next to ours at a restaurant, and he did so with people at church. I would like to think his motives for doing so were good, and I'm sure they were, but afterwards he told me, "Look Mom, I'm talking to strangers!" He has just read The Berenstain Bears book about strangers! I can see that we will need to do some fine tuning of Samuel's behavior in public, but I am sure glad that I can take him places now!

Waiting, an Important Strategy

I cannot believe that after having this blog for more than a year I am only just now talking about what has become a very important strategy to promote Samuel's independence in following his schedule: waiting.

When Samuel was younger my method for getting him to comply was to simply carry him around or drag him to what we were doing. I had tried using a visual schedule with Samuel before we had in-home help, but I did not understand what had to be done to get him to follow it. I did not understand that I needed a reinforcer (an incentive), and I did not know about using "waiting" as a strategy to get him to comply.

I saw this strategy used by the first in-home helpers we had. I watched, almost three years ago now, as they would "wait Samuel out" when he would flop down on the floor, or go hide on my bed. Samuel would be expected to do what was next on his schedule and if he refused, well then he was ignored until he decided to do what was expected. I cannot remember now exactly how long they had to wait, but I believe it was upwards of a half hour at first. It was amazing to see him eventually cooperate.

It was very difficult for me to ever try this with Samuel while he was in school, time was pretty tight and I had three other children (including a young baby) to take care of. One of the first tasks I used this with steadily was while helping Samuel with his homework last year. It was tough. There were nights I couldn't start homework until almost 7:30 or 8:00pm. I would pray that Samuel would cooperate, but often he did not. When this happened I stopped talking to him and would tell him to let me know when he was ready to work. I know we had some hour long sessions. I made sure that I had something very reinforcing, like a snack or computer time, scheduled for the next activity. You get to a point with your child when you realize that you cannot drag them into what they are expected to do and you cannot force them, they have to decide for themselves. That is what the strategy of waiting is all about, letting your child learn that he has to decide for himself that he has to do what is expected. There were nights we had ridiculously late bedtimes, but it was worth waiting because eventually he would do his work.

It is much easier to wait Samuel out now that we have Samuel at home. I often have to wait for him while he is at the table to do school work. There are times I wait more than 30 minutes for him, but this is happening less frequently than it used to. I have tried to schedule the time I spend with my other children in such a way that it is not a catastrophe when I have to wait for Samuel. Waiting at the table means that I have to stay in close proximity to him, so he won't run off or start grabbing things off the shelves behind his chair. There are times that I have to move Samuel up to his bedroom to finish a session of school work so that the other children can watch a TV show they like to watch. Over time, he is getting better about doing his work, however.

Getting dressed is another time that I often have to wait for Samuel. I don't have to stay in his room with him most of the time anymore. He will eventually get to work. Recently it has been nice to have him go through his routine all on his own. He does so better some mornings than others, but at least there is a good pattern going.

I remember the in-home helpers telling me that eventually Samuel would realize that it's just easier to do what is expected so that he could get to the "fun" thing scheduled afterwards! It's great to see this happening more and more! I'm glad he is discovering this and I don't have to try to physically maneuver him around so much.

Bad Court Decision in California

This isn't right.

Evidently this court in California has forgotten about a certain seven letter word that we Americans value very highly: F-R-E-E-D-O-M. It's a sad day when courts start messing with the rights of parents who, the last time I checked, have the primary responsibility of raising their own children!

Success! Getting Dressed Independently

After five years of teaching Samuel how to get dressed, we have reached a big milestone in the last few weeks: Samuel is independently dressing himself!

We have traveled a long road on the journey to teaching Samuel to dress himself. He was four years olds when I started teaching him. At that time we were still doing everything for him. I started by assisting him in the process hand-over-hand. Progress was very slow, but I also took things slowly. After all, during that time I also had a baby to deal with and then three years later, another baby. We also had the pressure of having to be out of the house at a certain time each morning to get Samuel to school, so in the process I often took shortcuts so that we wouldn't be running too late. Saturdays were the time to take a little longer.

Slowly, Samuel learned to put on his shirt and pants. Initially I would hand him the clothing in the correct position and tell him "the tag goes in the back." Putting on socks was a more difficult hurdle, but he eventually got the hang of that. Then we worked on making sure the tag was in the right place. Somewhere in this process I started leaving him on his own to do everything (but never on school days). It could take him upwards of a half hour to an hour to develop the initiative to do the job, but he eventually would. I wish I had kept a record of dates that he achieved each milestone, but I did not.

While Samuel was in school I never was able to rely on him dressing himself on weekdays. I'm sure he NEVER would have done the work all day and would have been perfectly happy staying home! Sunday was another day I couldn't have him dress himself because of needing to get to church. That only left one real day, Saturday, that I could leave him to his own devices.

The situation has been much different this year. Since we no longer need to get out the door most mornings, we have much more flexibility in our daily schedule. As the school year started this past fall, we were still pretty new to having in-home help in the morning. Initially we had a helper arrive at 8am. I let her guide Samuel along in getting dressed. I still felt somewhat pressured to have him complete the process in a certain period of time. A few weeks later the in-home help started to arrive at 10am. Most mornings Samuel slept in until then (along with my other kids. They get to bed late at night and mornings are my time to alone to get things done) and was then guided along to get dressed. Samuel made progress but still wasn't very motivated to get the job done.

Now, my oldest son is setting his alarm clock to get up in the morning. He discovered he likes the quiet time also. He has a few minutes to play Playstation before he starts his school work. Some mornings Samuel would wake up as well. He wanted to watch videos. It finally occurred to me that I now had the perfect reinforcer for Samuel. Just in the past two weeks I have started requiring Samuel to get dressed before coming downstairs to watch a video. This past week I added the requirement of going over our daily calendar and singing with me. I wake him up between 8:30 and 9:00 to get started.

It has really surprised me how well he is accepting this! One morning I was busy downstairs. I could hear activity upstairs and when I finally got around to going up, Samuel was walking down the stairs completely dressed! He stopped however, and said, "Uh-oh, I forgot to clean my room!" (he had already made his bed!) He turned back and took care of it! After almost three years of seeing the same visual schedule, Samuel has the routine down and the motivation to do it on his own! Yipppeeee! Now I can put a little more attention on my two year old who is already trying to dress and undress herself! A next step with Samuel (once we revel in this victory for a little while) will be to work on him using zippers and buttons. Most of his clothes do not have these things right now but I eventually want him to be able to wear clothes with these.