Early in my experience of autism with Samuel I was turned off by a few consultants who urged me to be very demanding with the local school system about moving his evaluation process along. "You have to advocate for your child," they told me. At the time I wasn't even sure I wanted to put Samuel in school. I was still convinced that I would be able to educate him, with supports (which I was hoping to get from school) at home. I'll have to go more into that later.
In this early stage, probably because of my strong desire to educate my children at home and because of my somewhat Libertarian leanings, I was trying my best to avoid "government" help. My thoughts were (and still are) also guided by a principle in Catholic Social Teaching called subsidiarity. ( As I interpret this, my childrens' education is the responsibility of my husband and me. I do not believe that it is the job of our government to educate our children, nor do I believe that it should be the job of the government to regulate the education of our children. )
I came to hate the word "advocate" and all the images it invoked (being overly demanding, not accepting the responsibility of managing the care and education of my own child).
I am of the opinion that my husband and I are the ones responsible for raising our children properly. We want our children to grow up with our beliefs and we see lots of problems with farming them out to others to educate them and raise them, especially when we see problems with what they are being taught at these outside places. Well, in spite of having this opinion, after a year of having Samuel at home with me after he was diagnosed I realized that I just did not have the resources that I needed to properly educate him. I also had a new baby boy and a 5 year old son I was teaching. I decided to delegate Samuel's education to our local public school, with very good results. There were (and still are) concerns, but as a resource, putting Samuel in school has been very helpful. This is something that I must constantly weigh however, is it worth having others educate him? I have had reasons to question this in the past year, the scale has tipped more to the "disadvantage" side. In addition to that, Samuel notices that his brother "does school" at home, and he likes the idea of that for himself!
I have come to realize that I have to work within the system that is in place (many many resources are available to us through "government"), and that advocacy doesn't have to be this horrible thing. It is merely doing the job I am meant to do as a parent, to raise my child and obtain the necessary resources to do so. During my son's first 4 years of school I did not question his situation at school. That has changed, due to personnel changes and probably also because I am trying to be more involved and aware of what he is doing.
I can now manage to say "I am my son's advocate," but I do still cringe a little at that "a" word!
4 comments:
Beauty goes to a state school and I feel that she has learned an amazing amount in the time that she has been there.However, I feel that what she has learnt the most are social and life skills.I remember being concerned about the religious education as the school is meant to follow the national curriculum which includes a form of daily worship(geared to a child with special needs of course).As the state religion is Church of England I queried the format any religious training and was glad to find out that teaching is merely through stories.Even with Beauty being out at school all day I feel that a huge amount of her achievements have come from the time she spends with her family.As Parents we are with our children from approximately 3pm in the afternoon until 9am in the morning which is a large amount of time.Every moment of the day is a teaching moment so you are educating your child at home and your child also has the advantage of school time too.I didn't start my degree until I was in my early thirties, if Beauty only learned social and life skills in school until she was 18 it wouldn't bother me because life is so much more than that and Beauty will live a different adult life to her sisters anyway.
Whatever you decided to do, as long as you feel it is right and it works then go for it.After so many years, so many schools and so many teachers I know that what I have taught my girls has has a huge impact on them and schools and teachers go but what you teach them and have with them with last forever.
Love
Allyson
I agree with you, I think the social aspect of going to school is probably one of the most important achievements for Samuel. He is able to go through the cafeteria for lunch by himself. He gets his tray, asks for his food, and pays for it by entering a code on a keypad (which takes money out of an account). I remember being so happy in his first weeks (4 years ago)that he was able to sit for "circle time" and listen! It would have been so difficult and would have taken much longer for me to achieve that with him in our setting at home. Because he was able to learn that, within a few months after that I could start doing that with him at home and now, 4 years later, we have worked up to 10-15 min. time periods where he will work with me or play a game.
For the most part I did not enjoy my school experiences growing up, but I have to admit there were a few teachers and experiences that inspired me greatly and that I will never forget. I should hope for these good things for Samuel in his school education as well. I guess I just struggle with the strong desire I have to home-school vs. the necessity of having Samuel in school.
Thank you for your insightful comments!
Hi--I found you at mother of many.
I really wanted to homeschool my son. However, I had no idea that he had asperger's and I had two smaller children. Was overwhelmed at the thought.
It has worked out for us that our son (also Sam) is in school.
He is doing really well now and now that everyone is of school age, homeschooling may be an option in middle school (when he turns 12 or so)
Nice meeting you and hang in there!
Thanks "chrisd", nice to meet you too! I'm hopeful that we'll be able to homeschool everyone by the time Samuel is in middle school too, though that will be about the time my baby is starting school work! Yikes!
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