Waiting, an Important Strategy

I cannot believe that after having this blog for more than a year I am only just now talking about what has become a very important strategy to promote Samuel's independence in following his schedule: waiting.

When Samuel was younger my method for getting him to comply was to simply carry him around or drag him to what we were doing. I had tried using a visual schedule with Samuel before we had in-home help, but I did not understand what had to be done to get him to follow it. I did not understand that I needed a reinforcer (an incentive), and I did not know about using "waiting" as a strategy to get him to comply.

I saw this strategy used by the first in-home helpers we had. I watched, almost three years ago now, as they would "wait Samuel out" when he would flop down on the floor, or go hide on my bed. Samuel would be expected to do what was next on his schedule and if he refused, well then he was ignored until he decided to do what was expected. I cannot remember now exactly how long they had to wait, but I believe it was upwards of a half hour at first. It was amazing to see him eventually cooperate.

It was very difficult for me to ever try this with Samuel while he was in school, time was pretty tight and I had three other children (including a young baby) to take care of. One of the first tasks I used this with steadily was while helping Samuel with his homework last year. It was tough. There were nights I couldn't start homework until almost 7:30 or 8:00pm. I would pray that Samuel would cooperate, but often he did not. When this happened I stopped talking to him and would tell him to let me know when he was ready to work. I know we had some hour long sessions. I made sure that I had something very reinforcing, like a snack or computer time, scheduled for the next activity. You get to a point with your child when you realize that you cannot drag them into what they are expected to do and you cannot force them, they have to decide for themselves. That is what the strategy of waiting is all about, letting your child learn that he has to decide for himself that he has to do what is expected. There were nights we had ridiculously late bedtimes, but it was worth waiting because eventually he would do his work.

It is much easier to wait Samuel out now that we have Samuel at home. I often have to wait for him while he is at the table to do school work. There are times I wait more than 30 minutes for him, but this is happening less frequently than it used to. I have tried to schedule the time I spend with my other children in such a way that it is not a catastrophe when I have to wait for Samuel. Waiting at the table means that I have to stay in close proximity to him, so he won't run off or start grabbing things off the shelves behind his chair. There are times that I have to move Samuel up to his bedroom to finish a session of school work so that the other children can watch a TV show they like to watch. Over time, he is getting better about doing his work, however.

Getting dressed is another time that I often have to wait for Samuel. I don't have to stay in his room with him most of the time anymore. He will eventually get to work. Recently it has been nice to have him go through his routine all on his own. He does so better some mornings than others, but at least there is a good pattern going.

I remember the in-home helpers telling me that eventually Samuel would realize that it's just easier to do what is expected so that he could get to the "fun" thing scheduled afterwards! It's great to see this happening more and more! I'm glad he is discovering this and I don't have to try to physically maneuver him around so much.