My husband and I are doing our best to continue taking Samuel out in public in spite of the chance that he may "melt down". When I take Samuel out I bring along some kind of visual schedule for him to follow. These visual schedules have had various forms over the years. The current one I like to use is a checklist of the broad activities we plan to undertake at our destination. I can just write it out on paper and carry it on a clipboard with a pen.
These days, Walmart is proving to be a great place to take Samuel. I am able to take him there about once a week. Our first trips there had to be very short on getting "my things" done, followed by an opportunity for Samuel to do his favorite thing.. look at the DVDs. (It took him a while to understand and accept that Walmart no longer carries VHS tapes!)
Yesterday morning I had planned to go to Walmart early in the morning. I had a relatively short list of things to pick up, but it was a longer list than I usually have when I take Samuel. However, it had been a while since I had taken him and I knew that taking him would be a real treat for him, so I woke him up and gave him the good news. Talk about a good motivator to dress himself!
Here was the checklist he had:
-Shopping
-Look at Electronics (just looking at DVDs isn't enough anymore, he has broadened his tour to laptops, Blue Ray players, and cameras)
-Pay (stay with Mom, no running around!)
-Look at the Red Box DVD machine on our way out the store (by that time I'm usually more than ready to leave, but giving him a chance to look at it at the end saves me from getting stuck at it when we walk in)
While we are there he gets to work on his social skills (it's okay to say hi to others, but don't ask them what year they were born or what their phone number is, walking down the aisles instead of skipping and running!), life skills (finding groceries, properly placing them in the basket, being patient while Mom has to look for boring things like canned vegetables and toilet paper, one of these days we'll get to paying...), and some OT-related things (pushing the cart, looking where you are going while pushing the cart, not crashing into other people while pushing the cart, not crashing into the shelves and displays while pushing the cart).
Other challenges we face right now when taking him out, besides the ones I just mentioned, are to keep him from manipulating us into getting him all kinds of snacks and sodas. The soda one is particularly difficult. He goes straight for the little coolers right by the cash registers when it is time to pay and gets very close to melting down when I tell him no. Soda is something I try to save an incentive for doing well at his OT sessions, and we allow all the kids to have it with dinner on Sunday.
Tell me about your experiences taking your child "on the spectrum" out in public and how you are teaching him or her!
26 comments:
Stephen does really well these days when I take him out to run errands. He is able to deal with the unpredictability as long as I talk to him about what we are going to do. I am prepared for him to want to buy some candy and possible popscicles or something that we usually don't buy but I think for him it is only fair because the rest of us eat cookies, cake, ice cream and chocolate all the time and he isn't interested in any of that. I don't regularly buy him candy because he will eat a whole bag in one day or if we tell him no more he will nag us a bit or try to be sneaky and get it when we aren't looking.
He actually really likes pushing the cart/holding the basket which I think gives him some sensory input and makes him feel more grounded and gives him a boundary. He usually onl runs off if it is something close to us that he sees that he wants. last week we were in the produce section and he always has to look at the yogurt covered raisins. He ran over and I could see him from where I was standing and he came back over to me when he was done. I normally would have gone over to him but I wanted to see if he would come back and he did. He never wants to eat the damn things after we buy them but it seems to be a routine. I am going to try and not let him get them next time and hopefully break that cycle without a meltdown.
One trigger for a meltdown in the past was the birthday cake decoration catalog in the bakery. He once had a horrible screaming meltdown in the check out after looking at it a couple years ago. Now, he will look at it for a few minutes and I'll tell him all done and he will be able to move on. Last trip to the grocery store he looked at the book, we went to check out. He said "Happy Birthday" as we were leaving and I think it was because a person in another check out aisle had a mylar birthday balloon. I asked him if it was because he saw the balloon or because he looked at the catalog and he repeated balloon after I said it.
I'm amazed my son can tolerate shopping as well as he does now not just because of past meltdowns but because I get overstimulated and bothered by the lights and noises and all the things to look at.
What's nice about going to the same store all the time like Walmart or a grocery store is that they get to know you and you can explain that your child has Autism and then if they do meltdown it isn't as horrible. The time my son had a wicked screaming meltdown it was in the check out of a woman who had known us for years and knew about my son's Autism and she told me not to worry about what other people think and it made it easier having someone there that understood my son wasn't being a brat but was having a problem because of his Autism.
Stephen does really well these days when I take him out to run errands. He is able to deal with the unpredictability as long as I talk to him about what we are going to do. I am prepared for him to want to buy some candy and possible popscicles or something that we usually don't buy but I think for him it is only fair because the rest of us eat cookies, cake, ice cream and chocolate all the time and he isn't interested in any of that. I don't regularly buy him candy because he will eat a whole bag in one day or if we tell him no more he will nag us a bit or try to be sneaky and get it when we aren't looking.
He actually really likes pushing the cart/holding the basket which I think gives him some sensory input and makes him feel more grounded and gives him a boundary. He usually onl runs off if it is something close to us that he sees that he wants. last week we were in the produce section and he always has to look at the yogurt covered raisins. He ran over and I could see him from where I was standing and he came back over to me when he was done. I normally would have gone over to him but I wanted to see if he would come back and he did. He never wants to eat the damn things after we buy them but it seems to be a routine. I am going to try and not let him get them next time and hopefully break that cycle without a meltdown.
One trigger for a meltdown in the past was the birthday cake decoration catalog in the bakery. He once had a horrible screaming meltdown in the check out after looking at it a couple years ago. Now, he will look at it for a few minutes and I'll tell him all done and he will be able to move on. Last trip to the grocery store he looked at the book, we went to check out. He said "Happy Birthday" as we were leaving and I think it was because a person in another check out aisle had a mylar birthday balloon. I asked him if it was because he saw the balloon or because he looked at the catalog and he repeated balloon after I said it.
I'm amazed my son can tolerate shopping as well as he does now not just because of past meltdowns but because I get overstimulated and bothered by the lights and noises and all the things to look at.
What's nice about going to the same store all the time like Walmart or a grocery store is that they get to know you and you can explain that your child has Autism and then if they do meltdown it isn't as horrible. The time my son had a wicked screaming meltdown it was in the check out of a woman who had known us for years and knew about my son's Autism and she told me not to worry about what other people think and it made it easier having someone there that understood my son wasn't being a brat but was having a problem because of his Autism.
Your understanding and management of your son's needs are awesome!
My son has never been big on visual schedules, but I find if I go through the schedule verbally with him before we go, we do much better. This includes what we can look at, what we can or can't buy and how long we will spend in each area.
I find the more I can preteach, the better we do in general.
Pamela is 21yo, living with us and still working on communicating and academics (late bloomer). She has no problems with meltdowns (I think the last big ugly public one was when she was 14).
Through RDI, Pamela learned to reference us when she is unsure. For example, I had her walk from the car to the blue mailboxes outside the post office. It was metered mail but I did not tell her anything because I was curious to see if she would notice. She was at the blue mailboxes and started flipping the envelope around to find the stamp. She pointed to the stamped mailbox and looked at me. I was in the car. I shook my head, "No." She saw the word metered on the envelope and on the mailbox, so she put it in metered mail.
Right now our goal is for her to notice when people are available (or not available). At home, when Dad is taking a nap, he's not available. If I am on the phone or listening to an audiobook, I am not available. If the checkout clerk is helping someone else, she is not available. The next step will be deciding if something is important enough to interrupt: telling me someone is knocking at the door is important but telling me that Julius Caesar died in 44BC is not.
We did and still do similar things with my son. It really works. He liked detergent bottles and moved on to washer machines and dryers, which was helpful when I went to the hardware store. I learned compromise and as he got older he learned consequences.
That's great Maness, thanks for sharing! I am wondering if/when Samuel will develop other interests at the store. Consequences are something we have not taught Samuel much about yet, but we really need to. My husband tries to put them on Samuel all the time!
The consequences thing, I had to follow through even if it meant leaving all my stuff in the buggy and going home. It took a few times and then he got it. As you probably know some days are better than others. Jimmy's interest gradually changed as he got older. He still likes to look at the washers at the hardware store to see what's new. Brooms, laundry detergent, washer/dryers, skipped to watches for a while, back to appliances then we had a bad spell of weather and his interest in weather started, weather channel, mapping out hurricanes from the last 10 yrs or so. He says he wants to be a meteorologist when he grows up. Sometimes I just have to say "enough already lets talk about something else".
Hmmm. When my son was small, he was very good at the store. His goal was to look at all the exit doors at Sam's Club; they were numbered 1-7. And he loved looking at the fans going around. We always tried to make a stop there because he loved that so much.
We worked on please, thank you, those kind of things; I had 2 other kids to deal with so I was not as good as you are! You're a great mom.
Now my husband and I are working on him paying things at checkout. He is 13yo and everything is embarrassing. He can order things at a fastfood place but it's really stressful. But he's doing it.
You have to be consistent and it sounds like you are! Good job, Mom!
Wow, having your son pay for things! One of these days we'll get to that with Samuel. It's helpful to have a place in the store where they like to go... something to hold over their head to help ensure good behavior. That's how it works for us! Thanks for your comment aspiemom!
My son is 3 years old and has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS. He also loves looking at DVD covers anywhere and stares at the RedBox DVD rental at our local McDonald's. I have googled endlessly looking for mothers sharing in these experiences but your blog is the first that connected with me.
Thanks! I would have given anything when my son was first diagnosed to have other moms to connect with. The internet wasn't quite the resource for that back then that it is today. Best wishes to your and your son as you grow together! (Isn't it funny how so many of our kids have similar interests.. or at least similar patterns of behavior regarding the interests they have?!)
You have given me some great ideas to try with Rory as he gets older! Right now we too stick to walmart, otherwise it is too crazy. Our first stop is usually to look at the fish. Rory counts them (as high as he can) and the just repeats the counting while I grab everything I need. we top it off by doing "hurdles" over the cracks in the pavement in front.
Awesome! Thank God that we have our strategies and "tricks" for getting our kids through these things. How interesting that you are able to START with something Rory likes and then it carries him over through the things you want/have to get done. I do it the other way around... hold the "reward" over Samuel's head, to be given AFTER I do the things I want/need to.
I'm stumbled upon your blog today and "WOW"... my son is 4 now and we've known for over a year that something was just different. We still have no diagnosis (which is fine for now) but he does have traits of ASD & ADD, doctor suspects Aspergers. I am curious about what age your son was diagnosed at?? I read your post and thought "that is my Andrew, or will be in a few years". I am struggling with allowing him to "walk" instead of staying the cart at Walmart (also our main store). I have an 18 month old who obviously sits in the seat so Andrew rides in the basket... most days! But I'm having another baby in 3 months! I don't know quite know what to do once the baby gets here??? Anyway, thanks for sharing your story as so many of us are living a similar one! I will be following your blog :)
~Salyna
I just came across your blog, and I'm so glad I did :) I'm a music therapist, so I turn everything into a song by nature. My students go on outings (Walmart is a frequent one!) where we work on some of the very same skills you listed. Great post!
Hi Salyna, Samuel was diagnosed at just about age 3. He probably could have been diagnosed about 6 months earlier, but his older brother had had some delays with his speech and I wanted to give Samuel some time to see if things would straighten out. Additionally, I had had a baby right around then, so I was rather busy! There are some posts at the beginning of my blog in which I talk about his diagnosis.
I can completely relate to your feelings of being overwhelmed at the thought of another baby arriving. Samuel has 2 younger siblings. When the first arrived we hadn't had him diagnosed yet, but then 3 years later when we found out another baby was on the way I got some in-home help. By that time he was having behavior difficulties and I was terrified at the thought of him being around a little baby sibling. There were some tense moments, but everything went okay.
I wish you the best with the rest of your pregnancy and the arrival of your new little one! (It's my personal opinion that having siblings is a good thing in families of a child with autism and if they have both older and younger siblings well.. all the better!)
Rachel, thank you for your comments! Samuel had music therapy when he was 3 and it was wonderful! I love looking back at some video that was taken of the sessions. We have a wonderful music therapist in our area and I'm hoping Samuel will get to see her again when he goes back to school this fall. If I remember correctly, she does contract work for schools in several counties around here.
I haven't been by to see you in ages. Sounds like you are surviving and doing well. I can completely relate to the grocery and Walmart trips. I posted about taking each of my boys separately this summer...some of the same problems you have with the cart, meltdowns, etc. You just have to laugh! When school started and I went shopping alone I couldn't believe how much easier and faster it was! LOL!
I honestly am new to the whole thing. We just recently found out, much to years of concern, that our 4 year old is on the spectrum. We actually have not figured out the tricks to going out. We keep things short and he does great if he gets (or has to because he will run off very quickly) to ride in the shopping cart with a toy or book to look at. Sometimes we even purchase that item. It's so hit and miss and we haven't really figured out what sets him off or what "sensory" issues he has going on. We are excited to learn more so our outings and invites can be more easily accepted. Glad I found your blog. I too have 4 children and have homeschooled in the past. I am excited to poke around your blog.
So related to the VHS comment, we too had issues when they stopped selling them at Walmart. Just wanted to pass on a tip that I've used as an incentive with my son, we have a huge outdoor flea market locally that many of the vendors have VHS tapes so for Birthdays or when he has money we get a great afternoon outdoors and he finds his favorite tapes, normally for a dollar each. Now I'm looking for VCR's without DVD players since we go through at least one a year. LOL
My son Austin was diagnosed at 3 with PDD/NOS. He used to use picture schedules. Now he is 10 I simply have to tell him everywhere that we are going and when we will be going back home. He mentally checks everything off and goes over every where else we have to stop before home. I just really have to make sure I tell him of any change that comes up in our stops or he does get quite upset. He loves sharks and looking for him throughout the stores we go to is one of his favorite things to do!
I wouldn't trade my son for anything in this world. He is such a constant source of joy to me and my family. He has come so far since being diagnosed. He's mainstreamed at school and is doing so well! Thanks for all the great posts. Its nice to hear how others are doing!
Nice write up! We love to come to the mountains for our sensory input BTW. You are so lucky to live there.
I have two girls 7 & 5 on the spectrum and they are like night and day.My oldest loves Walmart,the dvd's the redbox and ceiling fans! I had to install a ceiling fan in my kitchen so she'd stop staring into the neighbors house to watch theirs!
My youngest loves stuffed animals and lots of sensory toys!It's always nice to meet parents who's children like the same things.
Posted by "Anonymous" and I deleted it by mistake, sorry!
Great idea! We've done something similar, and instead of a list, we make a map, like a maze that my sons can trace each place we go to and what we do there. They love the visual aspect of the map.
Here's another comment posted by an "Anonymous" that I deleted in error (and now it won't let me publish it...). Sorry, and thanks for your comment!
Our son (now 36) was terrified by vacuum cleaners when he was little. Now, he's obsessed with them (even vacuums for me daily, as well as at the local restaurant where he works 4 days a week, getting ready to open for lunch). Whenever we go shopping, we MUST go by the vacuum cleaner display. We count to 10 (speed varies depending on how much time we have to spare. He especially likes canister vacuums - thinks they're better than uprights, but is satisfied if the display doesn't have canisters. He'll talk with you about different brands and styles if you start asking him questions.
I can relate to the worries that come when a new baby comes into the home with siblings on the spectrum. My eldest daughter, who is an Aspie, was 2 and half when her sister arrived. She did some things to the baby that could have been put down to normal toddler sibling rivalry, so mostly disregarded. But it was a different story when baby no. 3 arrived some years later. By this stage daughter no.1 was 8 and as yet undiagnosed. But my concern when i was pregnant was that i would not be able to leave the baby on the floor on a rug as there was a good chance my Aspie girl could accidentally run, jump, trip or walk on him. She had a habit of bounding into a room completely unaware of anyone or anything in the room. She would never had deliberately hurt him but the chances of an accident were very high. She was diagnosed shortly after his birth, which helped a lot as instead of getting angry at her for being unthoughtful, i worked the baby care around what would be safest for him.
Our son Evan was recently diagnosed PDD NOS but we have found that we have been doing all these little things to help prevent meltdowns and public explosions for much longer and your story of WalMart really spoke to us as parents. Our son has a strong case of echolalia and is very loud, so not only us as parents have to watch what we say because everyone within 50 feet is about to hear it but more recently it is the repeated conversations of others that has made some people blush. To distract him we have been forced to find coping toys or books or DVD's he can hold, play with, or carry around the store to prevent some of the verbal outbursts and we thank goodness our little man is cute and usually smiling so as to not make anyone to upset.
What we knew was that we refused to isolate him from things for the sake of others, we always kindly apologize or explain that our son is special with hopes of forgiveness but in many cases we are surprised at how others choose to react regardless we keep our chin up and keep living life with our son.
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