Anyways, my 10 year old and 5 year old sons are playing soccer. They participate in a league of children educated at home and, thankfully, they only have practise once a week, both at the same time, and there are only a minimal number of games that involve travel. For the first time, well, ever (!!!), I have been able to take Samuel along to the practise field where I hang around for the 2 hours his brothers practise. I had to do this a few weeks ago because my in-home helper was not able to make it that afternoon and my husband could not take the boys because of obligations at work.
I made up a visual schedule of what we would do during practise. It wasn't really anything all that special, I just made sure we moved to a new location every 30 to 45 minutes. Part of the time we walked down to see his older brother play, we spent some time in the car and had a snack, and then we spent some time on a playset (swings, slide, "fort"). Yes, nine year old Samuel stood out a bit on the playset, but he was content so I didn't mind! While we walked from field to field Samuel kicked around his own soccer ball and tried talking to EVERYONE!
On the subject of talking to EVERYONE, I realize that we need take a step forward in conversation social skills! Here is one example: People that Samuel does not know come sit behind us at church, Samuel turns around and says, "Hello, are you old?" Or, "Hello, are you a man? " (This to a woman with short hair!) Does anyone have any suggestions for social skills lessons that are just a bit beyond the basics? I have a Carol Gray book about Social Stories (pictured here )and will look at her site to see if she might have anything more advanced, but I want to see if there is anything else.
12 comments:
I'd be interested in what you find out about this as well. My 7yr old son has AS & Jaden talks to EVERYONE too! "Do you have a big belly?" is one question I heard him ask recently. Or "Hi Grandma" to a lady with white hair. And if he sees a baby, he always HAS TO ask the mother if it's a boy or girl.
I apologize if I've never commented on your blog before (I can't remember if I have or not). I check in and read your's every day.
Hi Mama Skates! Thanks for reading my blog and leaving a comment! My son has asked older women if they are a Grandma too! Another thing he has started doing is going up to groups of teens and butting into their conversation (of course, he is not at all interested in what they have to say.. he just starts asking questions!).
I enjoyed this post so much. I can't help but smile at the questions he asks strangers. Cute, but I do understand you wanting to teach the correct social skills. I wish my boys would talk...say anything, even something embarrasing! ha-ha. My oldest played soccer in grade school and I remember trying to keep the triplets happy with toys and snacks. Hope the season is a great one for you...and Samuel!
Thanks Betsy! After Samuel reaches a new pinnacle of success with something, I tend to take it for granted after a while. I need to remember to be grateful for every new step he takes. A friend of mine's 5 year old is just starting to talk, hurray! That is about the same age that Samuel started talking and do you know that sometimes it's hard for me to even remember the days he didn't talk and the anticipation I used to have, wondering WHEN he would talk!
I used the stories as shells and examples and then wrote my own and tailored them to Pamela.
In social situations like that, I use nonverbals so that I am not embarrassing the person even more. I frown, pout, and look sad. I might put my fingers to my lips like I'm shushing her. However, I also had to teach her to pay attention to my nonverbals. Later, I might explain to her about how sad the woman must have felt about being called a man. Then, we might figure out a better way to handle it. I don't want to tell her what to do, but let her think out loud and guide what she says she should do.
You can do this sort of thing with social stories on paper, but I find that RDI is a great way to do this real-time, in the moment.
Thanks Tammy, this is just what I was looking for, something to take us beyond reading a story (even though the stories have been immensely helpful up to this point ).
RDI is in our future! I have had an RDI book for a while now (Relationship Development Intervention with Children, Adolescents, and Adults) but realized after I bought it that it is just activities; the method is explained in a different book (Autism Aspergers: Solving the Relationship Puzzle). I'll get it eventually. I'm just trying to get through the ABLLS assessment (still!), and I've been consumed enough this year with just figuring out where Samuel really is academically. While that's well and good, I know that there is much more to the picture than just the academics!
Thanks again Tammy!
hello there...i am new to your blog and i hear ya about the social skills. my son isn't quite conversational yet but i imagine he would ask these sorts of questions if he could. nice to meet you and i hope to visit again soon.
Good for Samuel for being able to hang around for a couple of hours!
My Noddy is bad at this same thing. I remember at church one time when he turned around and said to a man and his wife "Hello, you are fat". It is rather embarissing. He will tell people they talk funny.
At he pool last summer he pointed at a lady and shouted "That is a mean mom!" Noddy will go up to peoples ables at McDonalds and just start asking questions or talking to them.
Junior is getting bad about this too. People do not like it and have no understanding at all.
Sorry for the long comment...this is just sooo what I deal with,
THANKS FOR THIS POST. NEXT TIME IT HAPPENS I WILL NOT HAVE TO THINK I AM THE ONLY MOM DEALING WITH THIS.
OH! We have that problem too. One of Jaysen's favorite openers is "Hi! My name is (Full first and last name). What your name is, how old are you?"
Let me know if you find a solution! ;)
In the moment teaching has been key for us. What we use to do is help him identify his own feelings. For example, if his toy broke we would say oh your toy broke do you feel sad. Later on we would talk about how if someone breaks their toy and we talk about it we can make them feel sad. Look for any op. where the child feels uncomfortable, identify it, talk about how others facing the same situation could feel and then slowly expand. Does that make sense?
Also, as Tammy mentioned, working with your child to help them explore appropriate comments like talk about the weather, what they ate for breakfast, the flowers in the church, or anything else of interest. On Sunday you could get to the church a little early and think of some things to talk about together.
Thanks Bonnie, it does make sense to work "in the moment" to have Samuel learn to identify his feelings. I'll have to approach this very carefully and slowly. I envision Samuel, after we talk about this, saying something like, "Hi, are you old? Are you sad that I asked you that?"
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