I would not be painting the entire picture of our recent trip to Maine if I did not share some of the challenges we had with Samuel and our other children. Travelling with children, any children, takes some planning, preparation, and spontaneous creativity. That's all part of our travels and it's nice to know we have the ability to take our children on certain trips without too much difficulty. That doesn't mean, however, that I am willing to travel any time the opportunity comes up. I have yet to take my three younger children to go see my oldest son race his go-karts. I know that my husband will be busy with my oldest son and I cannot take care of the other three children on my own in a racing environment right now. Even though there might be other people who could help, I know that the conditions would be too difficult for Samuel to manage right now. I don't think my 2 year old daughter would be very tolerant either. I'm pretty confident that within a few years, however, we'll all be able to go together.
As far as our recent trip, we had a few challenges while riding in the car. Periodically Samuel would get bored and want to stop or have a snack (which would then turn into repeated requests for snacks). If he did not get his way immediately he would sometimes scream, unbuckle his seatbelt, or try to kick and hit his siblings. I attempted to deal with this by scheduling snacks. I would pick a time and tell the boys that there would be no snack until that time and I would remind them that it would be only ONE snack at that designated time. This helped Samuel to accept the restrictions a little better. To reduce boredom, I asked Samuel to pick a few things that HE WANTED to bring, and I asked my oldest son to pick a few things he had seen as recent favorites. Oldest son kept the bag of toys (which included toys for the other 2 younger children as well) in the middle row of seats and he would hand them out when necessary.
While in other people's homes it could be challenging to keep Samuel out of trouble. In our close friend's house, he kept trying to get into flour and oatmeal canisters in their kitchen. We also had to hide sweets because he would "raid" them if left unchecked.
At another house we visited, Samuel couldn't keep his hands off their television and DVD player. We thought he might have broken the DVD player, but it ended up being okay. These friends were so nice and understanding, but my husband and I really should have taken more effort to set some limits with Samuel and follow through. We got too caught up in interesting conversation while Samuel was in a basement playroom. Their children were playing with our other three children while Samuel was by himself with the television.
While at home in town, I try to have one of Samuel's "personal attendants" accompany us when we visit others. That is so helpful! My husband and I can socialize and Samuel is encouraged to play with other children and can be kept away from the computer, VCR etc.. Samuel got a portable DVD player for his birthday. We will be teaching him how to use it and will try to take it along when we go somewhere so that he won't be so tempted to get into other's property.
10 comments:
I am impressed with all that you achieved. Whilst reading your entry I thought about how Beauty would cope and I went into a cold sweat thinking about how she is into everything when we visit people.I cannot leave her for a second as she loves video and DVD players and that would be the first thing that she would destroy.
Eggs are second!
The portable DVD player is an excellent idea - we've been thinking of a similar sort of thing for J (it's a nightmare keeping him out of trouble when we visit others - to the point where we often avoid visiting)!!!
A - It used to be much more difficult taking Samuel anywhere when he was younger. He used to empty bookshelves like crazy! Now my 2 year old does that! The behavioral strategies we have learned the past few years have been very helpful. I just have to remember to think ahead and make Samuel aware of the situation. Along with that, there are times Samuel seems to be mellowing out a bit, maybe maturing?
E - Hopefully as J gets older and you use schedules, reinforcers, etc.. his behavior will settle down and you will again feel comfortable visiting.
We had tried giving Samuel an old Gameboy a few years ago, but he kept throwing it when he got frustrated. I still fear for throwing a bit, but we are going to restrict access to the DVD player and give him some supervised "lessons" to get him familiar with using it.
Things happen in small steps, but some day you can look back and really feel a sense of accomplishment. This is how it is with all of our children, it's just more labor intensive and takes more time with our autistic children!
I also uses a portable DVD player! Invaluble!
I think that having an extra hand when you go places is invaluable.
When my youngest was a toddler, our neighbor (a girl w/special needs herself) would come by for a couple of hours and keep an eye on the kids while I cooked dinner. We just love her.
You are so doggone smart!
So there is hope for us yet! LOL
I do not do any visiting in others homes. It is too difficult. Even when people SAY they understand or it is ok or they are not hurting anything, I still feel like they get irritated. I just do not do it. My mom is in her 80s and does not like me to bring the kids over. It hurts when she lets her great-grand children come over and even watch them and talk of how GOOD they are.
It is better to just stay at home-for me anyway.
ABW - I can relate to feeling uncomfortable with how my autistic child acts, even when others say they don't mind or it's okay.
Samuel has grown up around the same group of children and I can honestly say that I don't ever have the feeling that our family has ever been left out of any invitations because of his behavior. However, there are invitations that I decline, at least for right now, because I know that I (or my husband) would not be comfortable that we could manage all of the children. Sometimes it's an issue of safety, like if the person who invited us has a pool or lives on a busy street. (Sorry, maybe I'm repeating myself here!) At the same time, because Samuel doesn't really "make friends," there is a difference between him and my other sons in how he individually gets included in things.
There has been risk and uncertainty and a bit of having blind faith in our attempts to teach Samuel (and having faith that he is growing and really trying hard himself) in each new venture we try with him. Sometimes things don't work out, but most often we end up being surprised at how well things go. Always (repeating myself again), things happen in small steps!
I have autism myself and I cooperated well in all of my vacations. I seem to bide well with all the activity schedules and most of the time we do the activity as planned. At Walt Disney World for example, I pick up a Guidemap and (more recently) a Times Guide so that the entertainment or character greeting won't be overlooked.
Anyways, with me living near Central FL, near Brandon and Tampa I take "staycations;" there's a lot to see and do in my state anyways!
Traveling with a child with autism has its challenges and rewards. Over the last few years my son has come to love traveling by car, plane and cruise ship. He wants to be a travel agent when he grows up so he is gaining job training, I tell people. We always take an MP3 player, nintendo ds, ear plugs, and a small back pack with snacks and toys with us. The travel bag stays in the car so we have it wherever we go. Keep traveling and enjoy the adventure
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